For me, the 12 week scan felt like it genuinely was never going to come. Time moved so slowly. It reminded me of those last few weeks before school broke up for Christmas when you were bursting with excitement whilst struggling to find the will to get you through those long dark days.
I remember being particularly hormonal around this time, screaming uncontrollably at the Hubs over the smallest things. I also remember feeling pretty low... Pregnancy is the most amazing thing and now that I'm over the hump, I fully embrace it. At this point I just couldn't see that far forward.
I'd been so lucky to fall pregnant without trying when I'd always longed to have babies, but given the circumstances the pregnancy was high risk. Aside from the acne ridden skin, and ferocious mood swings there was nothing to prove (to me) that I was pregnant. I was sure that Baby J was there no more, and obsessed to the point of going against everyone's advice and doing one (or five) pregnancy tests during this period. The reason they advise you not to, is because even if you have miscarried it may show that you're pregnant as the hormones are still in you... giving you a false sense of confidence.
I knew it was stupid but I've never been one to do as I'm told, once I've made my mind up about something it's near impossible to fight me on it (stubbornness, another wonderful quality I possess!) having said all that, doing the tests provided a slight feeling of relief. The relief was only short lived but it did help. The wall lining uterus pills were also taking their toll on me at this stage which no doubt contributed to my epic mood swings!
The day finally arrived and after a sleepiness night and a very quick taxi journey we were back there again, the waiting room. As much as I love my Doc, punctuality isn't his thing and appointments are rarely on time. More time to waste, more bad thoughts to have, more time spent in the loo trying to contend with my 'difficult' tummy.
Finally our names were called, I was asked to sit in 'the scan chair' where I had my first proper ultrasound scan. The Doc said he could tell I was nervous so wouldn't waste any time.
"Boom boom boom"...we have a heartbeat. I'll never forget the Docs words at this moment "we're in business, congratulations". My entire body relaxed and for the first time in a long time I felt relief. It was the most sensational feeling.
After the relief set in I turned to look at the Hubs who by this point was fighting back the tears. I'd really put him through hell over the last 6 weeks and that look on his face won't be forgotten for a long while.
It really was a wonderful moment, from that day on I look forward to my scans rather than dreading them. I also try not to obsess to much over them!
Whilst I knew it was coming, I had forgotten that we'd be given a little keepsake to remember the experience... So here it is, Baby J's first picture... Amazing really isn't it?