Having already made the appointment with my gynaecologist, and being (as mentioned) a high neurotic person I kept it... so the next day, after a sleepless night (still convinced it couldn't be so) the Hubs and I headed off to see the Doc.
After sitting in the waiting room for an eternity we were called in for our appointment. As we sat down, the Doc jumped into a rather long rant about not putting yourself under too pressure when you first come off the pill as that effects your hormones, and really not worrying as it has only been a few weeks... as this point I remembered that about a week before, I had sent him a rather long email explaining what my situation (at that point) was!
I swiftly informed him that there had been a 'change' to the previous situation, that I had done 4 tests yesterday all of which were positive... he was rather surprised, and a tad concerned. We went into the room next door where he examined me and did the first (of many many) scans.
A dot... that's what we had on our hands. After buying my first pregnancy book on my way home, I discovered that our dot was in fact the size of a lentil (very odd how all the baby comparisons are to food, comforting but odd). At this point, I was 5 weeks, 6 days pregnant with a due date of Feb 26th (it has moved forward a day now to the 25th) ironically that meant I was due 9 months to the day after my wedding day!
After much probing about stats (I am better with facts) the Doc reluctantly told us that due to the lack of a natural period, ours was 30% higher risk than normal pregnancies (where 1/3 women miscarry) so the odds weren't really in our favour. He gave us some pills to thicken the wall of my uterus (gross I know, the Hubs did not enjoy hearing this... he's become more resilient since!) and told us not to worry too much just to be careful and go about life as usual (yea right!)
As we left the Doc I called my Mum to tell her the news, her words will stay with me for a long time... "but we've not even got the wedding albums yet'... she repeated this several times, very slowly... to be honest it took her a few months to fully come to terms with the whole thing, my dad took a little longer. He is a worrier by nature (under statement) so to this day he doesn't really like to talk about it, or really acknowledge it's happening... he is fantastic though with remembering dates for appointments/scans and so on (also better with facts that emotions!)
We then called the Hubs parents who were equally in shock, they are real baby people. My mother-in-law in particular, she knows everything about babies and pregnancy having had 4 herself. She instantly made me feel reassured that if I had (and I did) any questions or worries to call her... Baby J is to be the first grandchild across both families so whilst this was a nervous time, excitement couldn't really be contained.
We went to bed that night still in a state of shock but also feeling excited... boy or girl? names? how will this change things? We also came to the realisation that we'll never celebrate a wedding anniversary without a baby!!
I drifted off dreaming about unborn Baby J, my worrying unfortunately did surpass my excitement but I found that reading as much as I could helped comfort me through those first few scary weeks. Even reading the horror stories helped me as I am someone who likes to prepare for the worst!
All I can say about those first few weeks is that they are hard... you worry constantly and convince yourself something bad has happened. Your mind is consumed with fear and small things like riding the tube or walking down the street suddenly feel like the biggest deal in the world. Just ride it out because what comes next is your first piece of reassurance partnered with a bucket load of excitement...
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