Wednesday, 5 March 2014

My Boy

What a difference a few weeks can make. 

The last blog post I wrote was on February 6th, a few days before I discovered that my little boy would be arriving very soon. Taking myself back to that time, I can't quite believe how quickly everything happened. Following an appointment with my midwife, followed by a consultation with my doctor, it was confirmed that due to difficult positioning and the size of the baby, my son would be born February 13th by C Section.

Yes, this wasn't my ideal situation. I'd thought for months about labour and in a way was really looking forward to it. At first hearing the news, I felt robbed of the whole thing and worried about how I'd relate to other mothers who had faced the drama, pain and sheer amazement of natural birth. 

That didn't last very long.

As you all know, I am a planner (well, a control freak) so knowing the date & time of my surgery took away a lot of the stress and anguish associated to childbirth. 

No few days in my life have ever felt quite as surreal as those leading up D Day. I found myself in a daze, cancelling all plans (the hubs and I decided not to tell anyone outside of our folks) as I just couldn't face lying to friends, buying unnecessary items, packing and re-packing my hospital bag (so many of the bits and bobs I'd purchased for labour suddenly became useless) and trying to get my head around the reality of the situation.

The morning of the op arrived, we arrived at hospital at 9.30am as I had to have some blood work done ahead of my surgery. The surgery was to take place at 12.30pm which meant that followed the 5 mins needed for the blood tests, we had a lot of time to kill. The hubs and I were pretty quiet for these few hours. I was riddled with fear, firstly for "Baby J" (weird to call him that now) and secondly for myself as I'd never undergone surgery of any nature before so understandably was a tad dubious.

At 12.20pm, the midwife arrived to take us down to the operating theatre. The hubs (armed with his iPhone & camera) was scrubbed up, I was in a hospital gown, covered by my own dressing gown and was wearing some slippers. 

The next 15 minutes or so were a little intense. people were milling about prepping, I was being injected whilst being "distracted" from the needle by a young nurse who made a rather silly error of telling me that her role was to distract me and the hubs was trying to get the playlist I'd prepared set up and playing.

A few minutes later, all the introductions had taken place, Coldplay, Paradise was playing, I was lying still on the operating table unable to feel my legs (that was a good thing) and the screen was in place. 

This is when the surgeon asked me if I was ready for him to start. "Yes" I uttered. "Ha, I started ages ago" he said. With that, he instructed the hubs to get the camera ready. Next thing I knew I felt a pushing sensation across my chest and seconds later I heard the most beautiful sound there is. 

My little boy's first cry.

And there he was, my angel. I have never ever felt that much emotion in all my life. The screen was lowered and I saw my boy entering the world. John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy" played as I saw my first glimpse. He looked so beautiful, so so beautiful. Tears poured down my face, I turned to look at the hubs who was wiping away the tears. 

Our boy was here, our little boy.

A heartbeat later, he was resting on my chest and I have never felt so content in my entire life.  The next 20 minutes or so disappeared as I sucked in every aspect of my darling boy. 

As I was lifted from the operating table to my bed to be whisked into recovery (with Harry & the hubs), I caught sight of the hubs holding his son for the first time. What a sight to behold. Those memories are so clear and so very special and always will be.

It didn't matter in the slightest that I had a C Section, all that mattered was that he was here and he was healthy.

The last two weeks and 6 days since the birth of my darling son have been the best, most exhausting, most scary and most wonderful days of my life and I will share all my experiences over the coming weeks.

For now, let me introduce my angel.

My Harry.