A year on...

Yesterday, the hubs and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

It's pretty insane really. This time last year, I was about to board a plane to LA to begin the best holiday of my life. I was thin, careless and ready for a pretty special adventure. Not only that but I was absolutely buzzing after the wedding. I put so much work into it and was overwhelming pleased with the results. Life was good. 

I remember saying to my mum some time before that my dream was to get pregnant on my honeymoon. Whilst it obviously had entered my mind all those months before, it wasn't something I thought twice about whilst on the trip. I can't speak for anywhere else, but honeymooning in the States is a pretty amazing experience. Americans love us Brits and they love a romantic tale, which meant that when it came to us, they went out of their way to make us feel incredibly special the entire trip.

I remember arriving home from the trip. walking into our then flat and being hit in the face with balloons and the sweet perfume of a mixture of beautiful flowers. My lovely mum had really laid on the welcome wagon knowing full well that we'd be on a massive comedown following the best month of our lives.

The weeks that followed were hard. We were on a house hunting mission that was not going well and were finding it incredibly hard to adjust back to normal life. Getting the wedding album/video helped lift our spirits but only temporarily. It was settled, we were well and truly depressed.

This is when I noticed my delayed period and made the initial appointment with my gynaecologist. If you read my early blog post, "discovering the news" this story will be familiar. The morning before the appointment, I wave the hubs off to work (I used to leave about 30 mins after him) and decide randomly to do a pregnancy test, not for one minute thinking I was pregnant. A few short minutes later, those words were flashing before my eyes "pregnant". That was the moment life changed. A few more tests and emotional breakdowns later and it was official, in a few months we were to be parents. Well, that certainly lifted our spirits.

Pregnancy was amazing. I have never (until he arrived) felt so happy and fulfilled. BumpMoirs launched around this time too, initially a space for me to document my pregnancy for my own means. Now, so much more.  At 6 months pregnant, we completed on our house. Our gorgeous country home where our babies will be raised and where happy memories will be made. I thought I'd struggle leaving the hustle & bustle of City life... nope, another easy and enjoyable transition. Another month passed and the family car was purchased. It was official, we were well and truly ready.

A month and a half months later, Harry was born. And here we are.  

What a year. 

The best ever. 

So much had happened, so much has changed. 

I am the happiest, luckiest girl in the world to have all that I do. Of course, the house & car are meaningless without the two most important men in my life. 

My phenomenal, patient and kind husband and my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.

P.S. this was the song Harry was born to. For that reason, this will always be my absolute favourite song.

The holiday packing list

For those of you familiar with BumpMoirs, you may already be aware of the fact that I love a good list. Nothing makes me happier (Harry excluded) than making a good list.

You may remember my thoroughly over the top and extremely well thought out hospital bag list. It's quite ironic in a way that I ended up needing a C Section so 90% of the items in my bag become utterly useless!

In a few weeks my little family embark on our first family holiday. Whilst the prospect of my first holiday in a way excites me tremendously... A little part of me is a little terrified at the thought of taking a 4 month old baby abroad.

How to I combat this fear? Make a good list and obsess over it in the weeks leading up to the trip.

I'm sure most of you seasoned mummy's out there will tell me that I don't need all of this for a week long holiday... Well I beg to differ. In my eyes every item on this list is 100% necessary! Of course I'll have an entirely different view once I return home!

First things to point out.. Harry is 4 months old, no where near close to teething (mothers with baby's who are will need even more stuff!) and we are staying in a hotel which provides a travel cot.

Right onto the list, you'll see it's split carefully between Harry's suitcase & hand luggage (which is a little suitcase on wheels). To abide by baggage restrictions/limitations, the hubs and I will be sharing a suitcase... No idea how this will work but we have no choice in the matter (he doesn't need much anyway!)

Here we go... 

(Note this list is in no particular order)

Harry suitcase:-

- Calpol (always necessary)

- Nose drops (I'm worried he will catch a cold on the plane)
- Baby Bjorn bouncer (flattens so ideal to fit in the case, plus the material won't get too hot in the sun)

- Weleda oil (for after bath time)

- Suntan lotion (I'm trying Nivea)

- Oilatum (bath time)

- Nurofen (again, always necessary)

- Sudocrem (no explanation needed)

- Coconut oil (I use it every other day on his head and body)

- Hairbrush (most unnecessary item on the list)

- Gro bag (I've got a thin one for hot weather)

- Bath sponge (enough said)

- Milk (pre ordered & collecting from Luton, thus the need for the wheelie)

- Bottle brush (of course)

- Bottles x 3 (rest are in hand luggage)

- Fairy (for cleaning bottles)

- Stereliser (I've opted for tommee tippee travel stereliser, Milton tablets would work just as well)

- Nappy bags (one pack)

- 70x nappies - a combo of normal & waterproof (enough for 10 a day... We usually use around 4!)

- 3x packs of wipes (huggies with aloe)

- Cot sheets (x2)

- Insect repellant bug (it's from jojo mamen babe and is meant to fight off bugs)

- Insect repellant spray (back up!

- Tent (baby tent for Harry to hang in, sleep in, be changed in by the pool)

- 2x bath towel (probably unnecessary as the hotel have but he's familiar with ours)

- Beach towels (x2 again not really unnecessary but I found cute Mickey Mouse ones)

- Blow up swim chair (just for fun)

- Baby warmer (it's like a wetsuit for swimming as water will be cold)

Standard items that require no explanation:-

- Vests x 5

- Shorts x 5
- Swim shorts x 2

- T-shirts x 5

- Gripe water

- Longs sleeve tops x 4

- Long sleeve trousers x 4

- Baby grows x 4

- Bibs x 7 (we use Funky Giraffe as they're so cute for holiday)

- Muslins x 10

- Changing mat

- Lamaze toys

- Cotton Wool

- Spare dummy

- Room thermometer & baby thermometer

- Blanket

- Sunhat x3

- Socks x 7 pairs

- Sunglasses (ridiculous but too cute)

Harry hand luggage:-

- Baby Bjorn carrier (I'll wear him at the airport, which is one my favourite things and check in my SilverCross pram)

- Calpol sachets (I've been advised to give him calpol before the flight to avoid catching anything)

- 7x nappies (standard)

- 4x sterelised bottles (too many but hey)

- 5x 200ml bottles (too much but you never know)

- Changing mat (standard)

- Wipes (standard)

- Change of clothes (in case of accidents and to layer to avoid getting too hot/cold)

- Muslin x2 (standard)

- Bibs x2 (standard)

- Dummy + spare (standard)

- Dummy clip (standard)

- Nappy bags (standard)

- Lamaze toys (for entertainment purposes)

- Change of clothes for me (in case on sick or poo explosion)

- Thin blanket (to keep him warm)

- Sunhat (to use upon arrival)

So there you have it... A bit much? Perhaps. At least I'm prepped!!! Now I just need to worry about getting into a bikini 4 months after having a baby!!

The low days

Being a mum is everything I thought it would be and more. It's terrifying, wonderful and fulfilling all at once and I wouldn't change an ounce (yes everything is now measured in ounces!) of it for the world. Harry is particularly happy first thing in the morning and the overwhelming love I feel when I walk into his nursery each morning and see his little smiling face looking up at me is my absolute favourite thing in the world.

Having said all of that, I'd be lying if I said there weren't some "low days". Before I'm criticised for being a bad mother, this had nothing to do with Harry. He is perfect and when I think of him I feel ridiculous for even feeling a little low on the odd day.

The biggest change that has come with motherhood in terms of 'me' is that these days I spend a lot of time alone, obviously Harry is with me but he's still young and sleeps a lot so often I feel quite alone. In my former life, I was a busy PR girl with a hectic social life who was out at least 3 nights a week and also the centre of any party. I've never been someone who enjoys my own company, I love being surrounded by people so I've really noticed the change. These days things are rather different, I spend 
my days with my little boy, feeding, changing and cuddling him and my evening's with my husband eating dinner, watching a little TV and getting to bed as early as possible to feel refreshed for the next day. Every day I do try and do one social thing, I meet with my antenatal friends, or other mummy friends or spend time with my mum & dad who thankfully live very close, but the alone time is weird. In some ways I utterly love it, so much bonding time with my wee man, time to think, time to sit and read a magazine and chat to other mummy's across coffee shops... but there are moments when I can't get over how different my life is now. It's quite an insular life, my lovely mummy friends love to hear news about Harry's development, issues, poos, wees, feeds, sleeps and so on but my other friends certainly aren't as interested and let's be honest, who can blame them? Sometimes I am every bored listening to myself go on!

Another change that at times gets me down is worry. I don't know about other mummy's but I find myself obsessing like mad about how much my son eats, sleeps and poos. This weeks example... since moving onto formula, we've been giving Harry one particular brand of pre-made form. For many reasons we decided to try and get him onto powder last week over one unsuccessful attempt a few weeks back. After 10 days of trial, several sleepless nights and some of the most painstaking feeds of all time (we are talking hours) we've switched back to pre-made and my boy is once again loving his food. Everyone told me to persevere, once again I should have trusted my instincts and I'm a little disappointed with myself that I didn't. This is just one example of many. I am a very confident mum and am blessed with a very easy son but there are times when I worry so much that it gets me a little down and the funny thing is, I know all the answers. I don't need to look on websites, or ask friends or experts for advice, I have strong instincts and know my boy so well, but a society of Goggle'rs has led us to question every little decision we make and worry about every little cough our babies have!

The final culprit for the low days. SLEEP DEPRIVATION. I am not someone who needs a lot of sleep and actually since having Harry I've realised that I don't need as much sleep as I thought I did. Having said that, there have been days, for example when moving Harry into his crib, or trying to get him to sleep through the night, when I've had to function on practically no sleep. These days are very hard and lead to a very moody mummy. 

Mums, I salute you. Looking after little babies is hard. Maternity leave is tough, not a year to put your feet up and relax. These little ones take a lot of time and attention, of course it is the most rewarding and magical time of my life but I want to acknowledge the tough times, the hard times, when we feel a little down as no one talks about it as it might make us look ungrateful or feel like failures or bad mummy's. It's mostly fun and games this parenting lark, but not all ;-)

Here's a little snap of me and my boy (the first snap of me I've shared on here), on a particularly good day.

Night all x

Hush little baby

This week will be week 11. Whilst I wasn't too bothered at the start about getting Harry into a routine, the time has come to try and get a little regularity into his sleeping & easting pattern.

Whilst in theory this is an excellent idea, my little boy is rather strong willed and won't be told what to do. Don't get me wrong, he's very well behaved and from day one basically formed his own little routine (eating in the day every 3 hours, between 100 & 180 ml a feed and sleeping roughly 6 hours in the night).

Whilst I'd love him to take a big old feed before bed, he rarely does.. this tends to be when he is least hungry which is a little heartbreaking but what can you do? The boy has a mind, and tummy of his own and won't be told when or how much to eat.

The big change came when he got too big for his Moses basket and so had to be moved to his big boy bed.... 

The first night was the most... interesting. He'd been out of our room in his nursery for a few days but had of course been in his basket which we placed in the cot. 

We tried initially to use cellular blankets to tuck him in nice and tight. He had a lovely warm bath, a nice big feed and fell asleep in my arms before I had a chance to put him down. A few hours passed, the hubs and I had dinner... watched some telly and got ready for bed, all the while we of course were obsessively watching our boy sleep in his big boy bed terrified that he'd wake and be utterly confused about his surroundings.

At 1am it happened. I watched him wake-up, stretch out his arms and totally freak out. For the first time in his life he was in a sleeping situation that included space!! You can understand his shock. This shock of course led to a very restless night for all members of the family. The cellular blanket was quickly replaced with a grow bag for fear that his intense wriggling would result in suffocation. 

The next night was just as bad... he was asleep for a few hours but by no means was he in a deep sleep... tossing and turning and working himself into a bit of a state.  As this was Friday night, it meant that Daddy was on the night feed (I live for Friday & Saturday nights these days!) anyway a couple of moments after he went in, armed with a bottle of delicious warm milk I heard a shocked screech... "come & see this!" 

I of course sprung out of bed and rushed into the nursery. This night was the first in his grow bag as we felt that he'd feel more secure and compact and a little cooler than he would be with a blanket. As I looked down at my little boy in his cot, I was rather surprised to find that he'd completely swivelled himself round so that his head was no longer facing up with his feet close to the bottom of the cot... his head now was against the bars and his feet against the other side. I am sure this is pretty common but we didn't know that! Of course my little boys flexibility and hyperactive sleeping meant that once again, I was faced with a sleepless night obsessively watching him on the monitor for fear he'd bash his head against the side of the cot. I know people say not to use bumpers but surely they are better than a damaged head? Any thoughts on this particularly topic are more than welcome!! 

Tonight is night 4 in his cot. Last night was a little better with a 3 & 6.30am wake-up... here's hoping that tonight is even better. It's funny watching Harry react to all this change, it really is a bit of race where more and more hurdles are placed in front of you as you near the finish line...

I just can't imagine how I'll cope with potty training or the dreaded move to a "real" big boy bed! Lots to look forward to!! Thank the Lord for coffee eh?! 

A new scent...

Every noticed that you smell of your baby? It's a funny smell, a mixture of the delicious baby scent, poo, wee & a little vomit thrown in for good measure.

I remember climbing to bed with the hubs when Harry was just a couple weeks old, after an early morning/late night/who the hell knows at that point feed. As the hubs snuggled up to me, he quietly whispered in my ear... "You smell of the baby". He wasn't being anything but honest. I totally did and I totally loved it.

The other day a friend (this friend doesn't have any babies) visited. During his visit there were as you can imagine several feeds to contend with.

Harry is currently going through a "sicky" faze which inevitably means that feeds almost always finish with an encore of white liquid all over mummy.

I suppose I've become somewhat immune to this as I barely flinch when it happens... I simply wipe it off, or out of my hair with a muzzy and carry on whatever it was I was doing.  As this happened over the weekend, my friend looked horrified. When I eventually noticed the horror on his face (I was winding at the time) I questioned him. "You're not going to change immediately?!" he asked. To which I responded... "No? I wasn't actually planning on changing at all?"

Now. I don't know whose right or wrong here. What I do know is the following.

1. Due to the fact that I had a baby just shy of 10 weeks ago, my wardrobe options are fairly limited (put simply, very few things a) fit me b) look good.

2. Baby sick (only a little) comes up at almost every feed. I'm already doing more washing than I can begin to contend with. Surely I can't be expected to add more garments to the mix?!

3. "I" don't think it is gross.... It doesn't look "that" bad and is in my opinion (and that's what really counts) odourless.

Taking into account these three perfectly valid points, no... I don't think it's necessary to change ones clothes more than once a day (unless we are talking about the rare & unexpected protectile vommiting situation, in that case comfort has a part to play as you do get quite wet!)

I do have to make a conscious effort to start looking a little better. 

BH (before Harry) I wasn't exactly a vain person but I did take a lot of pride in my appearance. These days I'd say my efforts are around 5%.... And really there is no excuse, Harry sleeps well... I am rested enough (even though I type this at 4.46am) and I have sufficient time on my hands.

I can imagine that there are a number of women out there who disagree with me and think it unnecessary to spend time beautifying oneself when there is a little bubba to look after.

The thing is. I'm 28, I've not been married a year yet so I do think I have a point and whilst I won't change every time Harry is sick on me going forward... A spritz of perfume and a good shower now and then are most certainly on the agenda going forward!!!

Baby weight

No, this isn't a narcissistic post about how I'm going to try and shake off my baby weight (although I really need to get on with it as our first family holiday is just a couple months away). This post is about the shocking pleasure, satisfaction and sheer joy that comes when ones baby starts packing on those pounds (well grams) in the early days.

When Harry was born, he was pretty ickle. Weighing in at 2380 grams (that's 6.2lbs) he felt ever so fragile & and small. Like when I was pregnant, people felt it necessary to comment on his size, questioning his health which of course was a little upsetting given that he was perfectly healthy and extremely happy.

Thanks to the lovely people at Salter, I'm the happy owner of my very own baby scales (the MiBABY scales to be specific), an ideal asset for any mother as I'm quite sure we are all as obsessive as each other (well I hope so anyway) when it comes to our babies weight & growth!

Whilst it is, I am sure advisable to weigh one's baby on a week by week basis to accurately (and normally) track growth... I of course weigh Harry everyday. In fact, I actually look forward to our nightly weigh in (yes, I know how this sounds)

In the early days, Harry's weight took sometime to "turn" and start increasing as oppose to staying the same or, decreasing (I am fully aware that this is normal but being a new mother  I couldn't help but feel sickened by the thought of it!)

I remember feeling particularly cross after one of the early midwife visits when the unexpecting midwife arrived with a different brand of scales to the midwife who'd visited previously. Anyone who deems themselves particularly knowledgeable on the topic of weighing people (me of course) knows full well that as well as time of day, wees & poos effecting one's weight... the brand of scales make a big difference too. 

I remember suffering a non-baby related sleepless night before the "signing off" health visit... i.e. before I was officially signed off by the health visitor as she was happy with "baby's" weight (just on this, I don't know about you but I found it increasingly annoying how any medical professional referred to my unborn, or refers to my born child as "baby". We knew the sex and he now has a name, why they can't use it, or couldn't refer to him, as "him" I'll never know. 

Anyway, it turned out that my monitoring and obsessing paid off as on the dreaded "signing off day" Harry was (despite poo'ing just before she arrived which almost reduced me to tears) signed off. WOOHOO!!

Since that day, I don't know about you, but I feel ridiculously proud every night pre bath time, and every time I take Harry to the clinic for a weigh-in (I like to double up... yes again, I do know how this sounds!)

Today he weighs 10.5lbs and honestly, I couldn't be prouder of us. By us, I am of course referring to "Team Harry". "Team Harry" is of course made up of three people. The two "feeders" (aka Mummy & Daddy and the very important "eater", our little angel Harry. 

From what my own mother tells me, obsessing over children's food never quite goes away. I noticed the other day a shred of concern in my Mums voice when she asked what I had for dinner that night and I responded with... "a bowl of Crunchie Nut for the third night in a row"

I guess, worrying comes with the unique, wonderful and very special title of Mum, for now I will happily continue to obsess and track my little boys growth.... 

I can't wait for tomorrow's weigh in ;-)

First after first

One of the greatest things about motherhood is the series of firsts we get to experience.

Some firsts are a little scary (the first night at home alone), some firsts are a little shocking (the first explosive poo), some firsts are ridiculously cute (the first time they get the hiccups), some are meaningful (the first time they look into your eyes and you know they know who you are) and some are just perfect... the first smile.

Now, it did take a while to distinguish between an actual smile and wind, but after a while, his eyes did the talking and we knew he was truly smiling at us... especially when his beautiful smile was met with a wee giggle... is there anything more amazing?

It's crazy how quickly time flies. Thinking back to "the early days" (which were only 8 weeks ago), it's unreal to think about the firsts that we not take for granted... the first time he fell asleep in my arms, the first time he cried a tear, the first bath.

Considering I am someone who has always sort of rushed through life, too excited about the next thing to truly appreciate the present... I am sort of surprised at how upset I am getting at how fast my little boy is developing.

He's now got an insatiable appetite, is incredibly long (even more noticeable as he was totally curled up for his first 3 weeks), his so alert and constantly smiles. 

We are a generation of photographs, videos and of course the Internet which provides the means for sharing every aspect of our lives. So much so, that it is almost impossible to live in the moment, I am sure that many people experienced their babies "firsts" through the lens of a camera or the glare of an iPhone. 

It's sad really.

Yes we get to document every second of every day, but I want to see and enjoy all these moments for what they are... before I know it he'll be all grown up and I'll be sat wondering where the time went.

Motherhood/parenthood really is so special. 

Let's not forget that.