I know I keep blubbing on about how emotional I feel about my boy nearly turning one. But the year just seems to have flown by so fast. So much has changed. I've changed, my husband has changed, our marriage has changed, my friendships have changed, even my parents have changed.
Everything has been altered by this one little man.
Let's kick off with my parents.
We've always been an incredibly tight knit family. Speaking on the phone half a dozen times a day, relying on each other for everything and generally behaving more like close friends than family. My mum, never really a baby person before, has surprised me the most. She is so honestly in love with my son, so caring, so considerate, so thoughtful, so wonderful. She helps me constantly and I've never ever felt so close to her. It's not even that I need her, we are so different, have different approaches to parenting and so on, but I want to be with her all the time. I love hanging out with her now. Something than seems to grow and grow as the weeks go by.
My father, to say that he loves my son seems inadequate. He is moved by him on a daily basis. He misses him seconds after leaving him, he calls constantly to check on us all (the hubs included) making sure we have everything we need, and that H is ok. He is so proud of me and how I am raising H, that he doesn't permit me a moment to wonder if I am doing the right thing. He is absolutely and 100% behind us as a family and I know how rare and special that is. We talk all the time, I vent, I moan, I laugh, the lot. Thankfully, he's always to hear it.
My friends. Well this is a funny one. Over the last year a lot has changed. My "old" friends, if I am honest seem completely disinterested in me. I am sure in time these friendships will re-form, or not, and I know it isn't all there fault. I am different, I am harder work in terms of arrangements and probably a little less "fun" (bare in mind that most of my friends are just on the cusp of marriage or still young, free and single). There are times when I feel a bit sad, a bit lonely, like I am so out of the loop with so many people. I do try and stay in touch with people but it just seems so hard. Conversations with newer "mummy" friends seem so much easier and natural. This makes me sad but I think it is something a lot of women sadly go through... maybe in the future when they are more where I am, things will change and friendships will re-form, for the moment though, I don't think there is much I can do fix it... one of those things perhaps?
The hubs and our marriage. Well, to say things are different now is perhaps a bit of an understatement. I love my husband, more now than I ever have. He means so much more to me than just being my husband, he is a father, and an amazing one at that. He is my partner and whilst we don't agree o n everything, we appreciate more than ever how to use our own skills to best manage. He is better at cheering H up when he is in pain, at chilling him out, at bath time and so on. I am better at the more mundane tasks. Feeding, soothing and so on. We talk a lot about our son, and our future home and family and have what I call "grown up conversations" a lot more. It might be a but calmer (more boring) than what we used to do/talk about but we are happy and wouldn't (I think) change a thing.
Me? What can I say. I am an entirely different being to what I was before. I am calmer, I am more selfless, I am forever positive and I am patient. These are not words I would have previously used to describe myself. I also no longer sweat the small stuff. Things that bothered me before seem so silly and irrelevant. I am true to myself and put my husband and my son before ANYTHING. They are my world and if that means regular date nights, and obsessive over planning well so be it. I have to look after my boys.
This year has been so very special. I can't really put it into words. All I can say is that it has been the quickest, but more memorable year yet. I remember every day, every moment, every smile, every tear. That boy has deeply changed me, I hope for the better and whilst there may have been a few hiccups and friendship causalities along the way, it's been so unbelievably remarkable.
To conclude, I'd like to share this video with you. It's a campaign from Pampers in Japan, but it really sums things up. Feb 13th is not just Harry's birthday, it's my first "mummy birthday". To all those mums out there about to celebrate there little ones first birthday's, take a moment to wish yourself a happy birthday. You've done so well and I for one know what an emotionally incredibly journey it has been.
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