It's the final countdown...

If you're a follower of BumpMoirs you may have noticed that my posts have slowed as of late. 

This is not because I've fallen out of love with writing in anyway, (I love it more than ever!!) it's merely due to the fact that as my life has slowed down (a combination of maternity leave & being heavily pregnant) less has been going on so I've had less to say. I didn't think you'd be particularly interested in my daily lunch choices or walking routes for my afternoon constitutional!

I wanted to avoid a ranty, miserable slightly self indulgent post about the struggles of last stage pregnancy so as to appear strong and to avoid worrying those of you out there nearing this stage.

Avoid I can no longer.

This sucks.

The culprits: Braxton Hicks, exhaustion and the general look and feel of a whale.

I knew at some point that pregnancy would get hard, and this last week has been solid proof of this. 

The Braxton Hicks don't hurt at all, they just assist with the insomnia. The exhaustion is down to baby movements and mind movements. I just can't seem to relax and nor can Baby J. I've tried a bunch of things to help... Meditation, audio hypnosis books, a hot bath, lavender oil etc etc etc. Nothing works.

Yes I'm on maternity leave which is fortunate. I'm shattered all day but have the luxury of my sofa and netflix. Both of which have become my best friends over the last 10 days.

I guess on one hand... I'm getting used to running on empty which will be useful very soon.

On the other, I worry that I'm not resting enough and should be for Baby J's and my sake.

I know I said in an earlier blog post hat I'd enjoy the last stages of pregnancy and not wish it away. A girl can change her mind right?? I'm fully ready for the arrival of Baby J, at least then my exhaustion will have a purpose and I'll get to cuddle that purpose whenever I like!!!

2w 5d to go... I REALLY hope he's like me and arrives early for everything!!!

Aches & pains

I knew it wasn't going to be all moonlight & roses. 

With less than 4 weeks to go, 3 weeks & 4 days to be precise. The joys of the last leg are really starting to set in. Everything so far, aside from a little acne, gas and weight gain has been rather easy really. As I read "what to expect when you're expecting" each week, I am always surprised by how few symptoms have effected me.

Physically, it has all been going quite well. Mentally, it is also going well... although since attending more and more antenatal classes, and reading more around labour, I am still to freak a little about the reality of what's to come.

This is, of course, all to be expected.

Wednesday evening, I suffered my first bout of pain and real worry (since those early days of pregnancy when I was constantly terrified that one shove too many on the tube would end this amazing journey for me). 

Around 10pm a sharp pain started on my left side. To be specific, the pain was in my lower abdomen just underneath the bump, only on the left side. These are the words I typed into Google over and over again. Nothing really came up, much to my surprise. A lot of people experienced aches and pains throughout pregnancy but most of them suffered it on their right side, not the left.

I am not going to over-exaggerate. I wasn't going crazy with worry as throughout the night (the pain stopped at 6am so it was an utterly sleepless, frustrating and at times desperate evening for me) Baby J was moving and hiccuping away. If he hasn't of been, it would have been a different story.

No matter what position I got into, how I arranged myself of my pillows, the pain would just not let up, It was constant, which before you ask is how I knew that I wasn't in labour!!!

The next morning at 6.30am I dropped the hubs at the station, I was so tired. I was so low. He told me to take him but 1. I was up anyway, and 2. it was raining. Also, the pain had stopped at this point, I was just feeling more tired than I've ever felt and concerned as to what the pain was.

At 7am my mum came round and we waited in pain, accompanied by daytime TV waiting for my midwife to pick up the phone, or return my messages.

Eventually she did, and she was sure I was fine but wanted to see me. After a thorough examination, she concluded that it was a trapped nerve. Apparently we have a lot of nerves in this area and this sort of pain is quite common at this stage of labour. I was very delighted to hear that it will most likely return soon, and keep coming back for the remaining of my pregnancy!!! 

I really don't mind being in pain. I am just relived to know what it is, and that the baby is ok. 

I suppose this is the start of real pregnancy. The month before you get your prize where your body is stretched beyond belief making it impossible to every get comfy and making random aches and pains a normal  part of daily life.

As I said at the start of this post, it can't all be moonlight & roses... you have to earn your prize don't you!!!! 

I can't say that I am looking forward to the next few weeks... I said in an earlier post that I am going to enjoy these next few weeks of pregnancy... I am starting to think that this comment may have been a little naive....

GET HIM OUT ALREADY!!! 

A bittersweet farewell to the morning commute

For the past seven years, regardless of where I live exactly, my weekday mornings have been the same.

Alarm goes off, I reluctantly turn it off (I hate having to lift my arm out of the warmth to do so) and climb out of bed. Once I'm awake, I'm awake so snoozing isn't really my thing.

After a quick wash (I'm an evening bath/shower person) I'm downstairs to make breakfast. I usually whisper to the hubs to ask what he wants before rushing downstairs, to keep within the very short allocation of time I have for this part of the morning.

The next five minutes are when I properly wake up. 

Bread/bagels are quickly popped in the toaster, on non toast days cereal is poured and the kettle is flipped on. Whilst bread is toasting and tea is brewing, the tray comes out and plates and cups are arranged accordingly, at this point appropriate cutlery is removed from the drawer and ready for use. As soon as the toaster pops and the kettle clicks I'm on fire, spreading and pouring away as quickly as possible.

After I've slowly carried the tray up the stairs and placed my breakfast on my dressing table, I put the tray on the bed ready for the hubs. By this point he's in the shower. Daybreak is turned on the telly, the straighteners are flicked on and I'm ready to roll. The next quarter of an hour is my beautification and news catch up time.

Once my hair is done, my makeup on and my breakfast eaten I'm ready to get dressed. By this point the hubs is ready and pretty much always waiting in the car for me (we drive to the station to catch the overground to London) 

This is my frantic time, I never know what to wear and particularly at the moment (with lots of things still being in boxes) don't know where anything is!! After sprinting across the house half naked to find a matching pair of socks, I'm in the car and ready to go.

We always panic on the journey (this is due to the fact that the hubs likes all our clocks to be set up to an hour fast, we don't actually know which are an hour, twenty minutes ahead and so on… not annoying at all!!) that we've missed our train. 

This has of course never happened.

Five minutes later, we're on the train and on our phones. This is usually where I write my daily blog. The train is dead for the first few minutes until the second stop where it properly fills up. By this I'm lost in my own thought and imagination so barely notice the crowds.

Twenty minutes later, I kiss the hubs goodbye and leave the train.

It's funny thinking about the people who have an impact on your day. The hubs always tells me about a man he passes every single day who sits outside a cafe near his work. He's always smiling and chatting and sipping a mug of tea, come rain or shine.

For me, there is a particular man at my station who impacts my day. For some reason my train pass  never works in the machine (I think it gets deactivated by my phone). Some of the staff at the gates give me a hard time about this. One particular man always smiles when he sees me and rushes over to help me by opening the barrier. He's so sweet and in the 30 seconds or so that we are together each day, he makes me smile.

After this is where the tone of my morning tends to change a little. This is where I enter the tube. I only travel a few stops, but in those few minutes I'm usually irritated at least twice. Whether it's being shoved and bumped on a busy carriage or annoyed by a stupidly loud music devise and headphones, my morning happiness tends to be disrupted.

After a ten minute walk from the station to my office, I'm at my desk with a long glass of cold water to revitalise me before I plough into my emails.

A week today this all ends.

A week today, bar a few errands, I'll have nowhere to go. Yes I'll still drive the hubs to the station in the morning to avoid the car park fee (well, at least until the weather improves) but that's it.

I'm so tired, and most certainly ready to rest up before Baby J arrives, but the reality of life is going to be so weird.

Even little things like the chap at the station who makes me smile everyday will be missed and I'm sure forgotten quite quickly.

I know once Baby J arrives life will be busy, manic and full of joy (as well as vomit, crying and poop) but until then, I think I am going to find it very strange not coming to work everyday. The first few weeks will be fab as I'll feel like I'm on holiday, then we have the Christmas break which will be amazing and full of friends, family and presents :-)

It's January that I am a bit anxious about… those mornings where I'll wake up and realise that I truly have nowhere to go… It's going to be very strange.

I know it's just the start of an amazing journey but after seven years of the same routine, three years before that of University and years before that of school… this is the first time in my life where (at least for a few months) I have no real purpose other than sorting out my house and preparing for my little boy to arrive!!

I think the blog is going to help me through this transitional period… I am going to pretend it's my job to build a little sense of routine into my day!! 

I hope that helps to ensure I don't feel lonely and a little bit useless :-(

Emotions running high… AGAIN

This weekend saw the return of the 'slightly less calm' (understatement!!) version of me!

After a few rather blissful weeks of feeling fabulous emotionally & physically and most certainly looking the best I have for a while... It all went entirely to pot...

Saturday morning I had plans for brunch with one of my closest friend. This particular friend has been in my life since the first day of school and for that reason never fails to bring out the child in me.

There are very few people with whom I entirely relax and be myself; she's definitely one of them. There is (I must say) a third musketeer who evokes the same feelings; she unfortunately had plans this particular Saturday morning.

Anyhow, we were meeting at 11am and I was particularly excited as she was looking after her 10 month old niece, who I have to say is just beautiful.

I was up early (as usual) to get myself ready, wash my hair etc.

Now, I've not mentioned this in any previous blog posts, but I'm particularly terrible with directions. A big part of my problem (I'm ashamed to say) is laziness. I never concentrate when I'm being taken somewhere and if I'm driving I sort of let the Sat Nav do the work... I also (honestly) have zero sense of direction. If it's left, I'll 100% "trust my gut" and go right!

My friend was at her mum and dad's house for the weekend, I've of course been to this house many times in the past, however not in the last decade & not from my new country location.

So, before I left I asked the Hubs (as I was running late, despite being up at the crack of dawn) to plug the address into the Sat Nav. I read out the address and he did as directed (or so I thought)

As he kissed me goodbye he said "don't forget to put petrol in the car". The night before we'd been for a lovely dinner at his Aunts house and apparently the petrol light had come on during the journey home.

Off I went. Smiles beaming.

As I pulled up to the petrol station I noticed it was closed, a little annoying but I thought nothing of it. There would of course be another one very soon.

The Sat Nav was showing that the journey would take 30 mins. This was very much in line with how long I thought it was going to take, so again I thought nothing of it.

It's also worth mentioning here that our Sat Nav is quite zoomed in so you only see the next few steps, you don't see the end point (error!)

Fifteen minutes later I was in quite unfamiliar surrounding... After going round down a number of backstreets I found myself on rather a large road. As I've already mentioned, I'm new to my current area so couldn't really tell if something was up or not….

 

I had already started to panic at this stage though... Not entirely about my location, more about the lack of petrol in the car. Since leaving the house and passing the closed petrol station, I had not passed another, and the tank was dangerously close to empty.

Now this is where some might question my intelligence. The Sat Nav (who I always listen to) was telling me that at the next roundabout I should turn right and join the motorway... I'm not gonna lie, something didn't feel right considering there is no motorway I could think of that linked my house to my friends parents house.

So, there I was.

 On the motorway.

Clearly going the wrong way with zero petrol.

The next road sign was where I clocked what had happened...

The first exit, which was 3/4 miles away (no, there wasn’t a service station between getting on and the first exit) was where I really started to realise what may have happened, as the name of the location was pretty familiar to me.

As I turned off, in a state of pure panic and fury it all became clear. It was HIS fault.

He'd clearly accidentally pressed the wrong button and told the Sat Nav to take me to the last place it took me too, my friends house who lives half an hour away from us in the opposite direction of where I needed to be.

It was this point I called him.

I'm not going to say I was in anyway my usually lovely self.

No petrol.

In the middle of no where (I’ve only been here a few times and never alone)

Late to meet my friend, and an hour away from her.

I wasn't pleasant.

I also was not at all calm.

He obviously didn't mean for this to happen, nor could he understand how it did happen.

In my mind, I didn't care how. It had happened and it was his fault.

For future reference, nothing annoys me more than being told to calm down when I'm clearly not calm. I'd of thought he'd know this by now. Clearly not. After a good few minutes of shouting (me, not him) he was off the phone after telling me not to move.

Whilst my concern was my friend and how late he had made me to meet her, his (quite rightly so) was the dangerously low amount of fuel in the car.

A few short minutes later he called back. I hadn't calmed at all by this point, in case you were wondering, oh no, I was quite as frantic as ever (poor Baby J)

When back on the phone he slowly and calmly directed me down a few country lanes to a petrol station.

Without saying thank you (I was still raging) I hung up, filled up and purchased an oversized bar of Dairy Milk (very unlike me!!!)

I then sat at the side of the road and ate the entire thing. I started to feel calmer and a little embarrassed.

I plugged in the correct address and the Sat Nav showed me the way. It was going to take an hour.

I text my friend and apologised profusely. She was fine about the delay; she just wanted to know where I'd ended up. I ignored her questions as it was just ‘too soon’ (I know how melodramatic I sound) knowing that at brunch (well lunch) I'd be 'ready' to talk about it.

Ten minutes later, I was back on the motorway heading in the right direction.

At this point I called the Hubs... (hands free) to apologise.

He's such a sweetie and wasn't angry in the slightest at my vile behaviour.

He was relieved I was now calm (he was also thrilled that the car was full of petrol and that he wasn't going to have to sort out a tow!)

Eventually I arrived at the gorgeous little café, ‘The Dolls House on the Hill’, it’s such a cute little place which happened to be Suzanne Neville’s shop in a former life (I love Suzanne Neville as she made my gorgeous wedding gown)

After running to the loo (an hour and a half with no toilet break is quite distressing for a pregnant lady!) I sat down and told her the story (minus the oversized Dairy Milk), which she of course found hilarious.

A couple of hours later, I was on my way back home. Calm, happy, full of baby love (her niece really is stunning) and jacket potato.

I know it is silly to get so stressed over things like this, but I can’t say I’ve learned anything from it. I may have over-reacted and I may have not used my brain ‘that’ much but it wasn’t really my fault!!

I will say this though, I read online (not sure if this is true) that at 6 months the baby starts to pick up on my emotions. Well, I’m 6 months today so hopefully he was spared my feelings this weekend, but I do in general need to chill out a little.

I do find that my emotions are heightened (to say the least) at the moment, and I do need to get a grip sometimes…. It’s tough though! I suppose it is good that I am at least aware of it so I can try and have a little talking to myself next time I am about to explode!!!