A balanced approached to toddlers & diet

My relationship with food has always been solid. What can I say, I love food! I plan my day around mealtimes, love to cook, thankfully don't have a sweet tooth and adore fresh fruit & veg. I also adore eating out and sampling new cuisines (I had a ball and spent a fortune at Taste London last week!) Having such a passion for food meant that it was really important to me that my little one also enjoyed food and sampled a variety of tastes and flavours from a very young age.

Before you're a mum it's easy to think that you will or won't do certain things at mealtimes. TV for me is the thing I aimed to avoid. However, like most mothers, I am more interested in my son eating, than worrying about how Peppa & George's adventures are distracting him into doing so. I know this isn't ideal and it doesn't happen at every mealtime (thankfully never when we are out) but, sometimes you just gotta do what's best for your little one at that moment.

One of the biggest surprises to me, as a first time mum, is how everything, even the smallest things can impact on mealtimes. Teething, a cold, being overtired or just a bit grumpy, all impact on mealtimes and how much (or how little) my son chooses to eat. 

I am lucky, Harry is, generally a great eater with a big old appetite (he is after all my son) and I do try where possible to introduce different flavours and textures. Harry is very much a sensory baby, he loves to feed himself and loves to get messy at mealtimes. This is something I actively encourage. Things like yoghurt, peas & jelly all go down very well with him and encourage him to eat more.

Here is a short little list of the best foods, for toddlers like Harry who need a little stimulation in form of taste and texture at mealtimes...

- Meatballs

- Baby carrots

- Giant cous cous (wholemeal is available)

- Sweet potato wedges

- Satsumas

- Oranges

- Sweetcorn

- Peas

- Yoghurt

- Jelly

- Cucumber 

Snacking is a funny thing. I always thought I'd be anti snacking. What I have come to learn is that there is a time and a place for snack. We attend a lot of play groups, these tend to be in the morning and tend to exhaust Harry. Just as we finish these classes I tend to give him a little snack, usually fruit (so as to not spoil his appetite for lunch). Grapes cut in half are quick to prep and easy to transport so this is a firm favourite of mine. If not fruit, a rice cake or two tends to do the trick. Harry is obsessed with the marmite flavoured rice cakes. I found them in Sainsbury's (haven't been able to locate them anywhere else) and they are most certainly up there with Harry's favourite snacks. It's funny really, so many adults can't stand marmite, they find the taste too strong (I am a lover) yet my 16 month old boy, can't get enough! He also loves olives and gerkins so I guess he just loves strong flavours...

Afternoon snacking is a different story all together. In the afternoon we can have a little more fun. Now I know the world has become obsessed with this sugar amnesty, I however am not a believer. I was raised to enjoy everything in moderation and decided from day one to encourage the same belief in my children. 

I remember when planning Harry's first birthday a friend asked me if I was making a sugar free cake for the babies and toddlers. This really shocked me. It's a birthday, and cake is part of a birthday celebration and as long as children aren't eating cake daily or too regularly, I just don't see the problem. Harry loves cakes and chocolate and ice cream (oh my!) and is offered such indulgences sporadically, as an appropriate treat. On holiday, at a friends house, on a special day out and so on. In fact, when he once suffered with tonsillitis, the only thing he would eat was chocolate buttons (he hadn't eaten for a week as his throat was so sore) he would sit and suck them with a big smile on his face and I have never been happier (judge away)

On a day to day basis, I do try and offer a variety of snacks, firm favourites are berries, Goodies alphabet biscuits and the Annabel Karmel cheesy mini bread sticks. I also bake quite a bit and love offering Harry homemade snacks, peanut butter cookies and healthy blueberry muffins go down a treat with my boy (recipes available upon request)

Recently I was sent some new snacks to try, made by The Fabulous Bakers, they are utterly delicious baked treats (flap jacks bars, popcorn bars and muffins) that are jam packs full of natural yummy flavours. 

Harry's favourite in the range are the baked berry oat bars, mine the apricot, almond and white chocolate popcorn bar.. divine! Not quite appropriate for a toddler as the chunks are a little hard, if looking for a treat for the little one I'd opt for the flap jack bars or muffins. 

What I really love about this  brand is the natural flavours that come through when trying each different product. They use only natural ingredients, nothing artificial and you really can taste the difference. They taste so fresh and flavoursome and despite their honest approach to baking, they don't come with a hefty price tag, which makes them even better.

I guess the overall message I am trying to share is that while mealtimes can be a bit stressful, even frustrating at times if you have a difficult eater, a little fun and variety can make a big difference. At Taste London last week, I let Harry have a taste of pretty much everything I had and he loved it. We all revert to our firm favourites, fish fingers, smiles and so on when we don't have time to think, let alone cook, however, try and encourage a playtime (if that's your thing, and you're ok with mess) at dinner time, it makes a big difference. And when it comes to snacking, don't be afraid of the new things, try flap jack bars and cupcakes bursting with variety and texture, and if you're little ones don't take it something immediately there is no reason to not try it again at a later date.

Happy munching!

Jabs Jabs Baby

After 10 days of utter hell and misery, I am extremely pleased to tell you that the little man is finally back to normal, eating, drinking, smiling and most importantly temperature free..

Let me start from the beginning. I scheduled the jabs to take place a little later than intended, life kept getting in the way, first I was poorly then work got busy, so in the end the 12 months jabs were actually done when Harry was 13.5 months old (which just sneaks into the recommended time frame) 

The jabs themselves are a little crueler and harsher than the previous jabs, three separate jabs (in my opinion a hell of a lot for a little bubba to content with) consisting of the following… 

Hib/Men C booster, given as a single jab containing meningitis C (second dose) and Hib (fourth dose) Measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine, given as a single jab 
Pneumococcal (PCV) vaccine, third dose

The wee man didn't respond to them too well as I imagine most babies don't. Lots of tears, lots of attempted distractions by me. Finally a combination of toys, snacks and drinks calmed my poor baby down. After the jabs we headed straight to a playgroup which was enjoyed by both of us as usual, as if nothing had happened. That night, no drama at all. My boy was as happy as usual. The next day, the same thing. I thought I was spared of the dreaded post jabs hell. 

I was wrong, very wrong.

The jabs were on Tuesday morning, by Thursday evening, everything had changed. A night of wake ups, tears and sadness ensued. Harry never wakes up during the night so we knew something was wrong, he woke for the day at 5am (usually he rises around 7.30am) so we knew he wasn't quite right. 

Friday was an unpleasant day, he was miserable, very warm and refusing any food or drink, he also suddenly had a horrific chesty cough and runny nose. By Friday afternoon I was worried, he was so warm, so unhappy, so not himself. 

I called my doc and asked if this was normal/if I should come in. He said yes so off we went. More tears, more misery ensued as we headed off to the docs. The doctor was actually quite worried, his temperature was 39.4, he was extremely distressed and he was refusing any medicine at all. The doc gave me a prescription for a Calpol suppository and sent us on our way, not however before telling me that if his temp rose above 40 that night that I was to take him to A&E… 

Whilst his temp didn't go above 38 for the weekend, he was utterly miserable and still refusing food or drink, coughing, sneezing… we were still worried. He was lethargic, sleepy, unhappy and to me seemed to be in a lot of pain. 

Monday morning I called the doctor again (I hate being 'that' mum but I felt I had no choice)

Off we went again, the only appointment they had was at 5pm. The doc was concerned, no visible improvement, coughing ferociously, runny nose, temperature. He referred us to A&E to have Harry's chest looked at… all the while Harry was hysterical almost to the point of vomiting.

A&E was rammed. I've never been to the paediatric wing and stupidly had expected it to be calmer than the rest of A&E. How wrong I was. Anyway, within a few minutes of arriving he was being looked at by a nurse… roughly two hours later, a doctor looked at him. 

In the meantime they had asked that we try and collect a urine sample… I mean, how??? We tried but failed epically. I deem this to be an impossible task.

When the doctor finally examined him, she confirmed my suspicions.. he had tonsillitis she said but there was nothing she could give him… I begged her to prescribe something, she said she had to speak to her superior and that she would come back to me. Two hours later, they sent us away, no prescription, nothing. I was not happy.

The next morning he woke and he was worse. At this point I decided to take things into my own hands by calling a private paediatrician. I am not one to generally do this. In fact I have never felt the need to do this before. 

She looked at him and immediately decided that he needed penicillin. I am not sure why, nor is she, they didn't prescribe it in A&E. She said there is no way it could have got this much worse overnight… The heartbreaking thing was, the second he had his first dose he was considerably better. That night he ate dinner and slept through, as the days have gone on, and the medicine has been consumed (not an easy task, we have gone for the syringe approach) he has transformed back into our boy.

When I saw my NHS doc on the Friday and then on the Monday, he was sure that Harry's sickness had absolutely nothing to do with jabs.. the funny thing is that of my antennal girls, 7/8 of the babies have been horribly unwell with high temperatures and other symptoms since having the jabs. One baby also developed tonsillitis days after having them.. surely there is a connection even if it is just that their immune systems are low and thus they are more likely to pick something else up?

I don't know, all I know is that it has been a horrible few days and that I feel utterly let down by A&E… I am also a little put off these jabs that are positioned as a necessity. 

I am not saying I wouldn't give them to future babies in the future, I most likely will, but I will certainly clear my diary and mentally prepare myself for the potential 10 days of hell that lie ahead!!! And if there is reaction, I will most likely head straight to my private GP...

Happy 1st Birthday

I can't quite believe I'm saying this but the day has been and gone and my little man is one. What a phenomenal, draining weekend. 

Kicking off on Friday (the actual birthday... Friday the 13th lucky for some!!) with a trip into London to see the fishies at the London Aquarium followed by a spot of lunch with the hubs, then rushing home for bath and bed before an evening of party prep!!

Continuing into Saturday with the big p-a-r-t-y! The hubs was amazing, off he went first thing in the morning armed with a list of necessary last minute items I needed to make the Mickey Mouse themed party a total success, whilst I was busy entertaining the birthday boy and prepping all the food... all the food...

I've never been one to under-cater and I'm a great believer in stuffing adults full of treats at these parties (particularly dads to make them bearable!) 

I was particularly proud of myself of this... not bad considering I'm not at all crafty!!

For the kids, I transformed my lounger into a soft play haven complete with giant ball pond and life size Mickey Mouse!!

The party was a roaring success... with over 50 guests in attendance (17 of them babies) the house was heaving but at no time (I believe thanks to the buffet) felt too crowded. Most importantly, my little man had the greatest day EVER! He was so happy and so content watching everyone busy around him, he was full of energy right up until bedtime when he literally past out in his cot.

The highlight of the day was the singing Happy Birthday. To think, all those people were there, singing to my little boy who suddenly feels so grown up.

What a very special day it was, I will remember it forever. My little man is one!!! I can't quite believe it!!!

The Silver Cross Pioneer

As a lover of all things Silver Cross (already the proud owner of the Wayferer pram & pushchair & Simplicity car seat, which is compatible with the the Wayferer & Pioneer) I was more than thrilled when I was asked to review the gorgeous brand spanking new Pioneer Pram & Pushchair.

Upon arrival of my new (well, Harry's new) toy I was extremely excited. As Harry is now 5 months, it's been a while since I've experienced the thrill of a new item of this scale to experiment with. 

Let's start with the basics, the pram comes in a series of colours from Chill Red, to Lime Green, I am a creature of habit so opted for black (I wanted it to match my car seat and be gender neutral for future babies!)

The first thing I noticed once unwrapped and assembled (which took all of a minute, I am not someone usually capable of "building" but even I could manage this one in a jiffy) was how modern and sleek the system looked. It's stylish, modern but with a traditional character, it feels like a sexy version of the quintessential Silver Cross big and beautiful pram. 

Like the Wayferer, the pram comes with lots of bits and pieces, you have the following...

- The hood & apron pack

- Ventilated carrycot

- Pushchair system

- Rain cover

- Puncture proof wheels

- Seriously big shopping basket

- Four way suspension

What makes this pram special? Having spent a month or so getting to know this pram in detail, and having taken it on holiday (easy peasy as it folds up simply) I can honestly say that this pram is like no other and here are three reasons why:

1. The Wheels... The big wheels make it so easy to drive, like most mummy's I seem to spend the majority of my life walking my bubba to sleep. I go to the park, the shops, the lake, the beach, indoor, outdoor, on smooth services, on rough services and this pram makes the ride smooth, comfortable and relaxing for my boy, and easy and pleasurable for me. Steering is a breeze, curbs are easy as pie and you don't have to worry about the tyres getting damaged on rougher services such as woodland.

2. The Shopping Basket... I can honestly say that my shopping basket is the envy of all my mummy friends. It is huge! I seem to have so much stuff all the time that absolutely has to be taken everywhere I go. Now that I am weaning Harry it is even worse, cooler bags, spoons, spoon holders, sippy cups, bibs, change of clothes etc etc etc!! This shopping basket fits the lot and leaves room for what it's designed for... SHOPPING!!! I have those clip on bag holders for the handle of the pram but always find myself tripping over them or kicking them as I walk. It is such a pleasure to have such a huge shopping basket now that fits everything!

3. The Carrycot... The ventilated carrycot is such a pleasure for Harry. He isn't the easiest baby to get to sleep during the day but I am not exaggerating when I say that he is out like a light as soon as he is placed into the cool (especially in this weather) comfy carrycot. He's like a new baby, I am sure the weaning has helped but I was so surprised the first time I popped him in and he drifted off to sleep seconds later (see below)

All in all, I couldn't be more thrilled with my new pram. It's gorgeous to look at, enjoyable to use and most importantly my little man loves it which is just fab as he'll be using it until he's a toddler! I can't wait for him to be able to use the pushchair! (only a month to go!)

Antenatal Classes

If you would have asked me a few months ago (9 to be specific) what I imagined when I thought of antenatal classes, I'd of looked a little bemused and described a scene from some American rom com where an earth mother type lady takes a group of wacky women, and unsuspecting men through a series of outlandish breathing techniques designed to help ease the pain of labour.

Last night was my last antenatal class. The hubs and I have attended 6 classes in total each lasting two hours.

Was the experience as I'd previously imagined? Of course not.

Ahead of the first session, I was quite excited and the hubs, was not (to say the least). He was in fact dreading it and had to be convinced to go.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by our teacher, a room full of beanbags, seven fresh faced, pretty pregnant women and seven scared, pale looking men.

Let me start by introducing the teacher.

She is in her forties (I think but I never can tell) and has 3 children. Much to my surprise, she is completely down to earth, non preachy and has a wealth of invaluable easing knowledge that not only reassured me, but helped the hubs come to terms with the realities of the situation and feel prepared for labour as well as parenthood. To summarise. She couldn't have been less "earth mother" if she tried.

Onto the girls. I hoped that I'd make some new friends through the course as I've been told from more experienced friends that they made some incredible relationships throughout their own antenatal classes.

I've not just made friends, I feel like I've joined a support network! After one or two classes, a what's app group was formed and from that moment onwards, every ache, pain and sleepless night was shared with seven other women. I can't tell you how reassuring and calming it is to know that other people are going through the same thing as you at the same time and that someone cares! (I know this sounds stupid and of course my friends and family care about me but I just can't moan in the same way to them as I can to my antenatal girls... They don't understand in the same way)

I can only imagine that this support will grow as baby's start to arrive and our worry's, concerns and nerves ramp up a notch (joy!)

The men. Not only are they a lovely bunch but they all feel the same. Nervous, crazily excited and totally unprepared. Whilst it is the ladies who talk more and share more, it's interesting to watch the hubs (and all the other hubs) come to life as shared concerns and questions are voiced that otherwise would plaque their worried, nervous minds.

Last night, we all said our farewells. Whilst we will of course stay in touch, the course had come to an end and we are all nearing our own "D Days".

It was a very surreal, odd, nerve racking farewell which not only left me feeling excited but left me feeling so so nervous. It is all so real now, nowhere to hide!

What have I learned from the experience?

Outside of the practical advice (useful tips like, only have one visitor a day when the baby is born, only let people stay an hour maximum, stock up on tea and coffee, go to hospital as late as poss during labour to avoid brig sent home etc as well as breathing techniques and labour positions) I've learned the value of being part of a group of women all experiencing the same thing as me at the same time.

Whilst blogging and twitter is a fantastic way to talk to a huge network of people in a similar position to me, and speaking with friends who already have babies or children can be useful, nothing beats personal relationships with people who you can meet up with and talk to whenever you need to going through exactly the same thing as you.

The bottom line. If you or your partner is reluctant to join an antenatal/NCT class of any description, do it!!! You will (I hope) gain so much from it, as will your partner, I assure you.

It's the final countdown...

If you're a follower of BumpMoirs you may have noticed that my posts have slowed as of late. 

This is not because I've fallen out of love with writing in anyway, (I love it more than ever!!) it's merely due to the fact that as my life has slowed down (a combination of maternity leave & being heavily pregnant) less has been going on so I've had less to say. I didn't think you'd be particularly interested in my daily lunch choices or walking routes for my afternoon constitutional!

I wanted to avoid a ranty, miserable slightly self indulgent post about the struggles of last stage pregnancy so as to appear strong and to avoid worrying those of you out there nearing this stage.

Avoid I can no longer.

This sucks.

The culprits: Braxton Hicks, exhaustion and the general look and feel of a whale.

I knew at some point that pregnancy would get hard, and this last week has been solid proof of this. 

The Braxton Hicks don't hurt at all, they just assist with the insomnia. The exhaustion is down to baby movements and mind movements. I just can't seem to relax and nor can Baby J. I've tried a bunch of things to help... Meditation, audio hypnosis books, a hot bath, lavender oil etc etc etc. Nothing works.

Yes I'm on maternity leave which is fortunate. I'm shattered all day but have the luxury of my sofa and netflix. Both of which have become my best friends over the last 10 days.

I guess on one hand... I'm getting used to running on empty which will be useful very soon.

On the other, I worry that I'm not resting enough and should be for Baby J's and my sake.

I know I said in an earlier blog post hat I'd enjoy the last stages of pregnancy and not wish it away. A girl can change her mind right?? I'm fully ready for the arrival of Baby J, at least then my exhaustion will have a purpose and I'll get to cuddle that purpose whenever I like!!!

2w 5d to go... I REALLY hope he's like me and arrives early for everything!!!

My Baby Shower

After much planning (and baking) on my mothers part, and much assistance from me (I produced 4x banana breads, a cheesecake and enough brownies to feed a rather large army) the baby shower day finally arrived. 

A decent amount of deliberation and internet shopping had solved the issue of 'what to wear?' In all, five dresses were purchased and four were swiftly returned. It is hard to look good when you're pregnant as I am sure most of you know! Whilst I had my heart set on a gorgeous Isabella Oliver Talbot ivory maternity tunic and was so excited to unwrap the beautifully packaged item when it arrived last week, I am sorry to say that the cut just didn't suit me and so the dress had to be returned. Instead I decided to return to my old faithful, the brand whose dresses always fit me perfectly (despite being a little on the long side) 'Seraphine'. 

After Friday's midwife appointment I decided to make a little detour on my way back to the sticks popping to the store on Marylebone High Street. After hunting around in the sale items (I am due in 4 weeks so felt I had to!), I found a gorgeous navy shoulder lace maternity shift dress which with a little tugging in the right places (it is a little long for me so ruched the bottom up tad) fit perfectly. Finally I'd found a dress I was comfortable in, that was appropriate but most importantly, that hugged me in 'the right' places and showed off Baby J as well as possible.

Suited and booted I headed over to my parents house to help with the preparation. What I didn't expect upon arriving was that everything would be done, and done good!!! My mother and I are incredibly close and very similar in many ways, yes this can lead to ferocious arguments at times but it also means that when it comes to each other... we don't go halves. I mean, we don't ever do things by halves to be honest but we particularly go all out when it is for each other and yesterday was no exception.

My mother is an amazing baker and feeder. These combined attributes meant that there was enough food (sweet & savoury) to feed all the guests 10 fold with plenty to spare (my entire freezer is currently bursting with a variety of un-touched delicious leftovers ready to be defrosted and tucked into when guests start to arrive to meet Baby J.)

The images below should give you a wee taster of what I am talking about. Not only do we love to eat, but we love to celebrate and any opportunity is grasped by both hands by myself and my mother (Baby j is going to be one spoilt little boy!!)

The day really was just beautiful. Games were played, two to be specific. One organised by two of my best & oldest friends where a playlist was devised of "baby related' songs (e.g. baby love, bye bye baby etc). Guests had to identify and shout out the correct song & artist to win. Sadly my team lost... I blame the baby brain! The other game was organised by my sister-in-law and was very cute. A ball of string was passed around and everyone had to cut the string to the length that they guessed would fit perfectly around my bump. 

Never in my life did I imagine that I'd let a room full of people stare at my stomach (pre baby a very troublesome area for me!!) and measure it for fun!! I was pleased though that only one persons string didn't go around me, everyone else (including the hubs, who had arrived by this stage... he didn't want to miss out!!) had grossly over-estimated how big I was, which if I am honest made me very happy!! The winner of the game was the hubs auntie who was bang on, very impressive!

The only strange part of the day was seeing people off. There were around 35 guests so for the most part, I now won't see people until after the arrival of Baby J. Whilst this of course obvious, it is a strange reality. Next time I see a lot of my friends & family I will be a mum, the hubs will be a dad and we will be a proper family. Not only that but people will be grandparents, great-grandparents, great aunts, uncles, cousins and so on. For a lot of people the arrival of our son means a lot and now that the shower is over, I can't help but realise what the next big diary date is.

Yesterday was a very special day, and one I'll remember for a lifetime. Baby showers are perhaps a little indulgent, and "American" but if nothing else, they are a wonderful excuse to get your nearest and dearest together to eat a lot of cake,  for one last time before life changes in a big big way.

The "Baby Bucket List"

Following this weeks check-up with my midwife, I now know that Baby J is slightly larger than the average baby, I also know that he is currently in the OP position (not ideal I know...) but I am not obsessing over this (much...) as I am hoping that he'll move over the next few weeks. 

 The size point is interesting, if not somewhat ironic given that I've dealt with dozens of comments throughout my pregnancy relating to my "little bump". 

Whilst now, it is flattering to be told that I look small (although those comments have slowed as I've packed on the pounds... I must lay off the brownies!) some people have over stepped the mark by asking these types of questions...

"Is the baby ok given that you look so small?"

"Was he smaller than the average baby?"

"Was I worried?"

I've also dealt with a number of comments like this: "my sisters cousins brothers wife is due 3 months after you and she is way bigger than you... why is that???"

It seems that it is me who (up until about 10 days ago) was small, not my little boy. He is perfectly sized... a little larger than average perhaps but at least he'll (hopefully) be a robust little boy! People really should mind their own business shouldn't they!

Today is the 25th of January (for the next 30 minutes anyhow), the day before my baby shower, two days before my mums birthday and exactly one month before the arrival of my son (well, if he's on time that is). 

Given that I am now nearing the end of this pretty enlightening journey, I can't help but wonder when he will arrive. Of course, this is wasted energy. Not even he knows when he'll be ready to grace us with his presence. 

All the essential items have now been purchased, the hospital bag is packed, the books have been read and re-read, the last of the anti-natal classes will take place next week, the house is sorted and I am as 'relaxed' as I'll ever be. 

Technically I am ready. Now it is over to him (or the big guy upstairs... dependant on your beliefs!) Don't get me wrong, I am not desperate for it to happen now. I am relishing these last few weeks of pregnancy. As you'll know from reading the blog, I have loved being pregnant and have been blessed with a very easy ride but I am starting to realise that the journey is nearly over.

My life, in a few weeks will no longer be my own. A little boy will be entirely dependant on me 24/7. Yes the hubs is going to make a wonderful father and his life is going to change so much too, but he will go back to work after his paternity leave and I will be left to "hold the baby" as the old expression goes. I will be running the show and no doubt running around in a whirlwind of nappies, muslins and exhaustion. I know it sounds unpleasant but I am so so excited.

Tonights pledge. Rather than wishing the next 4 weeks (or 6... or 2 eeeeeeeeek) away, I am going to relish them.

I have wished up a short "baby bucket list" (I do love a good list). This list is based on pearls of wisdom shared by friends & relatives & includes ten things that I plan to tick off before the arrival of Baby J.

1: Go to the cinema at least twice

2: Lie in everyday 

3: Eat breakfast in bed every day

4: Spend as much 'quality' time with the hubs as possible

5: Read the papers in bed on Sunday's

6: Have brunch 3 times 

7: Indulge in at least one beauty treatment (nails don't count as I have them done regularly)

8: Go for at least one romantic date

9: Blog as much as possible

10: Read one non baby/pregnancy related book

This may sound like quite an indulgent list but I am convinced is it achievable and important to fulfil as most of these things will not be possible for some time after I have given birth

I'll let you know how I get on... wish me luck!!!! 

Reality really is starting to hit me... wow, life is about to change.

I'm scared

After weeks of denial "it can't be that bad" and avoidance "what's the point worrying about something that has to happen" the fear has finally hit me. 

In truth, I am utterly terrified about the whole thing, and there is no point trying to rationalise with me. I know that it is a means to an end, I know that there is a fab prize at the end, I know that women have been doing it forever, I know that women give birth all over the world in varying conditions and in most cases it is absolutely fine.

I know the facts. 

I know the stats. 

It isn't that I am worried that something will go wrong. I have every faith in medical professionals (and medicine for that matter) I suppose for me, it is the fear of the unknown. As you may know, if you've read the blog before, I am quite the control freak and 'somewhat' neurotic. These attributes pose several issues with regards to labour. Issue 1, I can't control when it will happen. This is most distressing for someone like me. Issue 2, I am worried about how I will behave. Whilst I hope that I am rationale, and mature. I fear I will not be. I fear I will panic and become overly stressed and start saying all sorts of mad things.

In this weeks antenatal class, we talked a lot about labour. The different stages, the various breathing techniques etc. Whilst this is all wonderfully interesting and useful, I know myself and therefore know that the second labour arrives, all of this will most likely disappear from my mind.

If you read my last post (the hospital bag) you'll know how super organised I am. Don't be fooled, this for me, is all psychological. The more I can plan & feel prepared the calmer I tend to be. The likelihood of me remembering one thing in my bag (well bags) on the day is very small. Whilst normally my over zealousness with regards to planning provides a long stretch of calm, this time it hasn't really worked. 

I keep imagining the moment I feel that first contraction. The funny thing is that when this moment arrives, I imagine I will feel a sense of relief. At least then I will know that it is actually happening, rather than living in the dark. 

I wish I could go back to how I felt before. Entirely numb to reality. The closer I get, the more I have to deal with it otherwise I imagine I'll struggle with it even more on the day.

I am sure you'll all tell me it is fine and that worrying is pointless, but I can't help it. Consider this can of worms officially opened!!!! 

The Hospital Bag

As last weeks anti-natal class was focused on "the hospital bag" this week, I've made it my mission to get it sorted. It's not that I've been putting it off up until now, it's more that I know myself. I know that the minute I decided to get it packed, my obsession with it would kick off. 

This is a bit embarrassing, but the other reason that it's taken a while for me to sort is because I've been waiting for the 'green light'. I always get made fun of by the hubs and my mum for doing everything so early. I pack roughly a week in advance for holiday's, I lay out clothes the day before a big event, I even lay the table (sometimes days) in advance of friends coming over for dinner. What can I say, I am a planner... it's just me.

It would be a lie to say that, whilst up until last week I hadn't actually started packing the bag... nothing was done in preparation. Over the last few weeks I've been speaking to a number of mummy friends, reading blogs, books etc collating everyone's advice to create one master list. This was aided considerably at last week's anti-natal class when certain questions I had were answered and more advice was imparted.

So, here it is. My hospital bag list which is everything but alphabetised. A lot of women I am sure have their own views on what is necessary, I imagine half of this stuff isn't 100% necessary but I am someone who feels comforted by lists & stuff and now that everything is now tightly packed into my two separate bags (See below for an explanation) I do feel 'a little' less overwhelmed than I have been feeling of late.

BAG 1: LABOUR BAG

- 2x nighties

- Energy drinks & bendy straws (for birthing partner to hold for you dependant on the position you are most comfortable in)

- Hair bands (dependant on hair length!)

- Barley sugar (boosts energy & apparently ok to take regardless of medication)

- Dextrose tablets (to energise birthing partner)

- Evian spray (chill if possible in advance or upon arrival at hospital for relief during labour)

- Ice packs for back ache (I have the ones that you sort of break to make them go cold)

- Music

- Camera

BAG 2 - HOSPITAL BAG 

FOR BABY

- Newborn nappies (I went with Pampers No1.)

- Baby wipes

- Sudocrem

- Antibacterial wipes (for hygienic purposes)

- Vaseline

- Cellular blankets x2

- Baby vests x3

- Baby grows x3

- Baby hat x2

- Muslins x2
- Going home outfit

(It seems like a lot but you don't 100% know how long you'll be staying)

FOR ME

- PJs (some women opt for nighties for ease, I am just more comfy in PJs)

- Nipple cream 

- Breast pads

- Sanitary towels (I went for normal pads rather than the big maternity ones, they were a bit overwhelming, I packed x3 packs)

- E45 (apparently skin gets very dry after labour)

- 2x nursing bras

- Towels (if you plan to have a bath afterwards)

- Lavender oil (apparently soothing in a bath after labour)

- Snacks and drinks (for you and birthing partner, I went for cereal bars, rice crispy treats and Lucozade)

- Note pad & pen 

- Cotton wool balls

- Arnica 

- Overnight toiletries

- Slippers and flip flops (flip flops for shower)

- 4x black knickers that you can chuck after

- Change of clothes for me and birthing partner (hubs)

- Feeding pillow

I know it sounds like a lot, but I like to be prepared for everything!!! 

Here is a real insight into my neurotic personality, not only has this list been typed up and printed ready to slot into the correct bag but I've put each item into an individually labeled zip lock bag... 'Why', you might ask? This is for ease, I didn't want to take (I also had no choice unless I wanted to take 3 suitcases) all the packaging with me for everything, so breast pads, sanitary towels etc have been removed from their packaging and I just thought it easier to do it this way so the hubs knows exactly what is what! 

In case you're interested, I have a separate list on the go of key items to have at home, not everything on this list has been purchased to date but I am working my way through it. It is my baby shower next week so I'll focus more on this list after that, as I imagine some of it will be ticked off then.

THINGS TO HAVE AT HOME

MEDICAL

- Baby Calpol

- Card"e cap cream

- Digital forehead/ear thermometer

- Baby nail clippers/file

- Steriliser

- Bottle warmer

- Bottle brush

- Bottles and newborn teats

- Aptamil 1 powder (for back up)

- Plastic washing up bowl

BATHING

- Cotton wool balls

- Baby olive oil

- Baby bath wash

- Baby bath

- Bath thermometer

- Baby towels

CLOTHING

- Vests

- Babygrows

- Cardigans

- Socks

SLEEPING

- Moses basket

- Fitted sheets for Moses basket x3

- 2x cellular blankets

- Muslins x20

Room thermometer

TRAVELLING

- Pram

- Car seat

- Isofix base

- Changing mat & bag

PLAYTIME

- Playmat

- Bouncy chair

- Toys

- Swing chair

OTHER

- Sangenic bin

There you have it, everything that I HOPE I need for Baby J. As I say, some of it is probably unnecessary but I always like to be & feel prepared!

The one thing not on my list is a breast pump... I 100% want to breastfeed but until I know I can I am not going to buy one. I feel that if I have one, I will feel pressured by it (silly I know). Most of my friends purchase their breast pump well in advance of labour, but as I always say, each to their own. We have a Mothercare just down the road so I plan to send the hubs to pick one up if & when I need it.

I hope this is helpful.. I will say this. With 5 weeks to go, and nerves/reality starting to kick in, writing this list, doing all the shopping (I did one big online shop on Boots.com and then shopped around for the additions) and putting everything together was very lethargic and has made me feel a little more relaxed. That's just me, nothing makes me happier than list making and ticking ;-) I really am selling myself aren't I!!!