The Growth Scan

If you're a regular reader of BumpMoirs you may have noticed that things have been a little quiet over the past few days.  When I thought about maternity leave, (for all those months) I envisaged relaxing spa days, lie ins and long leisurely lunches... So far, this has not been the case.

From waking up each morning at 6.45am to drive the hubs to the station, my days have been pretty jam packed. Aside from the abundance of housework there is to do (no idea how we coped before) I have been tied up with finishing off the house.  This week was the final week of work to the house, and running around for the various handymen has been quite time consuming... not to mention delightful tasks like having curtains altered, collecting furniture and managing the delivery and build of our new front door! 

Now, I can't complain, not only does the house now look fab (had I not been off work, I have no idea when these tasks would have ever been completed), but my mind has been active. I've not been sat on the sofa, pigging out watching the days go by, I've been a busy bee who is shocked every day when the text arrives from the hubs telling me which train he's on... he usually gets home around 7.30pm and I collect him from the station.

Today however, my diary was cleared. Today was a biggie. The growth scan. After weeks of waiting and worrying, it was finally time to check that Baby J was growing well and proportionately.

As ever, every Tom, Dick and Harry felt the need to share their personal horror story about the growth scan. One particular story, which came from a close friend, told how his sister discovered at the growth scan that her little baby boy was malnourished. Due to this issue (which came due to a problem with the umbilical cord) she has to be induced seven weeks early. Please note, the baby whilst born tiny was absolutely fine and now is the perfect weight. I have nine weeks to go, so if I had to be induced seven weeks early... that would be in a fortnight.

Needless to say I didn't get much sleep last night from worrying, and my stomach was in quite a state this morning.

Once again, I was worrying over nothing. Baby J, my little boy is fab. He's growing splendidly and currently weighs in at around 3 lb. 3 ounces. How they can work that out I'll never know...

Baby J at 30 weeks, 4 days :-)

Whilst I am not having a 4D scan, the lady conducting the scan asked if we'd like to see the baby in 4D. That was insane.... she didn't take a picture for us as there wasn't too much fluid around the baby so he did look a little odd in 4D but I could make out his features briefly. I am sure everyone says this, but the resemblance to the hubs was uncanny. 

During the whole scan, Baby J was kicking away happily.

I can't believe I only have 9 weeks to go and I can't believe that all the scary scans are now out of the way! I am so relieved and so excited for Christmas.

I am going to put my feet up (finally) and enjoy my last Christmas with the hubs before we are parents! In the blink of an eye Baby J will be here so I better get in as much quality time with the hubs as possible now!!!

Baby J's name

After months of deliberating (i.e. arguing) last night, the hubs and I came to (what I hope to be) the final decision about our sons name.

Now, I won't be revealing 'the name' in this blog post. Not only do I find it to be a little tempting fate, but, I don't want any feedback! Frankly, I'm quite sick and tired of feedback on the topic!

I don't know about you, but throughout my pregnancy, Baby J's name has been the favourite topic of conversation for pretty much anyone who has come into contact with me.

People mean no harm, I'm well aware of that. But people do need to be careful, I've sat through many a discussion (I rarely speak during these discussions, which most people don't seem to notice) where folk rip apart certain names in favour of their own preferences (careless of the fact that some those names may be on our short list)

On this topic, everyone has an opinion, and the ability to read body language (mine in particular which is always cold during these conversations) seems impossible. I wonder if I was like this before I fell pregnant? Completely oblivious to how the soon to be mother could feel as I forced my own unwelcome, irrelevant (in my opinion as for the most part names are entirely subjective) opinions on her? I certainly hope not. 

Once or twice people have touched on Baby J's soon to be name (they of course have no idea about this, I have a good poker face) and when they do, my whole body ceases up.

I just wish people would have the sensitivity to keep their opinions to themselves!

Rant over.

Anyway, it's quite funny. For some time, the hubs and I have been quite married to one particular name. 

Recently we met someone with this name. I won't go into detail about how, as it's a little nasty, but let's just say this person entirely put us off the name. The second we were introduced, the hubs and I knew, with one look at each other that this name was now well and truly out the window. See what I mean about subjectivity?! 

There is one name I have always loved. For a long time the hubs wasn't keen. I'm thrilled to say he has changed his mind on this now and we're decided. 

Every time I say the full name to myself I'm filled with joy and emotion. This name is our baby boy's name and I just know it.

We've told our mums, but as a definite rather than as a question. They both love it and equally we're filled with emotion when it was shared. They have also both agreed to keep it a secret. Not because I'm in anyway precious, I'm really not. I just can't face public opinion. When Baby J is born and family and friends are introduced to him properly, they'll love the name as it'll be his, and that will be that.

With ten weeks to go, and the luxury of time on my hands to really think about the future I'm beyond excited to meet my little boy.

I'm not wishing the time away at all though, I'm already panicking a little about sharing my son with the world, I love the fact that at the moment he's all mine :-)

Maternity leave... day 1

Today was/is my first official day of holiday from work. I say holiday as my official maternity leave doesn't start until January, I am currently using up leftover holiday from this year, but let's face it... in the eyes of the world I am now on maternity leave.

Following Friday's blog post about my last day at work, this weekend was a bit of an odd one. Full of emotion, and unease I made my way to my parents house for supper Friday night. The hubs had his work Christmas party, so I attended dinner alone. My brother and his partner were there which I was excited about. My bro and I are close, and recently he's been rather busy so I've not had the chance to see him or spend any proper time with him. The one problem with being so close is that there are no pleasantries with my brother and I. As much as we're best friends, we drive each other crazy. Now, I don't know if it was just the fact that we had an argument, or it was a combination of that, and my built up emotion from finishing work and the realisation of what's to come... but I got myself into a bit of a hysterical state. This was not aided by the fact that the hubs wasn't by my side to calm me down. So that was the start of the weekend... an epic row with my bro, followed by a dramatic display of hysterics on my part.

Thankfully, the rest of the weekend went rather well. Saturday was spent doing odd jobs and relaxing with the hubs, with a few delightful visitors thrown in for good measure. Saturday night was spent dining at our friends house. They made us a terrific meal, and we got to watch their wedding video. They are newly weds and recently had the most spectacular wedding so it was fab to re-live it with them.

Sunday was spent celebrating a friends birthday with a lot of little ones. This particular group of friends are all a wee bit older than me & the hubs, so already all have one of more kids. It's odd hanging out with them, as so few of our other friends have babies... it's sort of like stepping into the future when we see them. Discussions about nannies, nurseries and other grown up things make the hubs and feel a little out of our depth and very very unprepared for our soon to be future!

This morning was when my new reality hit home. At 6.15am the alarm went off. But it was only the hubs who had to get out of bed...

As I drifted in and out of my slumber I noticed him pottering about getting ready for work. As you know, if you follow this blog, I make breakfast each morning for the hubs. I am the type of person who is awake the second their eyes open, so it wasn't hard for me to get out of bed to prepare him his morning bagel. However, as I stepped out of bed... I looked over to his bed side table and noticed that his bagel and morning cuppa were already sat their, on his night stand patiently waiting to be consumed... whilst most woman would be thrilled by this, I automatically felt a little redundant... not that I'll ever admit it to him!

As he came out the bathroom, showered and ready to tuck into his breaky, he climbed back into bed and we had a chat. Chats in bed with breakfast are usually a custom reserved for the weekends, but this was delightful and something I hope becomes our morning ritual. Once he'd finished, he got up and got ready. He of course didn't think it necessary that I drive him to the station but as I say... when I am up, I am up, and I wanted to take him (a girl has to feel a little needed after all!)

Once I'd dropped him, I hurried home to prepare for my day... and what a day it has been. 

The following has been achieved today...

- 3x washing loads

- 2x loads of washing hung to dry

- 1x washing load dried in dryer

- 1x shower & blow dried hair

- 1x breakfast eaten

- 1x Christmas tree purchased and erected (lights and baubles complete)

- 1x friend and gorgeous baby visited

- 1x food shop complete

- 1x dinner prepared

- 1x house tidied

- 1x bin emptied

- 1x dishwasher emptied & refilled

- 1x X Factor results watched

- 1x romantic movie watched (Sleepless in Seattle)

- 1x blog post (almost) written

- 1x alarm gone off resulting in 1x fuse box being reset 

- 1x copy of Mother & Baby read

Now, I don't know if you're easily impressed (I am), but I am highly impressed with what has been achieved today. I know that this is all new to me, and I am so used to being busy that I am finding things to fill my day... but look how productive I've been!!!

If everyday is like this, my house will be shipshape by Christmas Eve!!!

So far, I have to say, this maternity leave lark is fabulous and I am loving it... I wonder how long it is until I am bored and depressed? 

I give myself a week... 

I will say this though, I've not felt this relaxed (despite being super busy) in quite some time! 

Saying goodbye

Handover notes have been sent, leaving lunches have been eaten, and goodbyes have been said.

After a long countdown, the day has finally arrived when I switched off my computer for the last time and turned my out of office on.

As I sit here, on my final commute home surrounding by bags filled with lovely gifts and work life memories, I'm left feeling quite numb.

I've worked at this company for three years and made some truly wonderful friends.

Lifelong friends.

Yes, exhaustion has set in these past few weeks and the thought of not having to get up Monday morning at the crack of dawn to commute into London is wonderful, but there is a small part of me that will miss it.

More than anything I'll miss my work friends.

I've always said that relationships with colleagues (when good) are unlike any other relationship.

You're with them for eight hours a day, so you talk about the day to day goings on in your life in a way that you don't with anyone else. My closest friends no less about my life than my colleagues as I spend so much more time with them

I'm a very open person so my close work friends literally know everything about me.

They lived my wedding planning with me, and now I feel that they've lived through my pregnancy. Honestly, every doctors appointment, ache, pain, purchase... They know it all and it is going to be very odd not to see those same reassuring faces everyday.

This isn't about regret or anxiety about my future. I can't wait to be a mummy and for all that's about to change and happen.

This is about saying goodbye for the time being to life as I know it and to the people who make it what it is.

Whenever I've left an establishment in the past, it's been for another role. That I can prepare for. Leaving to have a baby is something alien to me that I can't really prepare for mentally so at this point I think I'll concentrate on closing one chapter before beginning the next.

Today was a wonderful day and one I'll remember for some time. It's going to be interesting trying to adjust to my new life and all the challenges it will bring.

For now, I suppose I should just be grateful to have worked with such a wonderful bunch of people who have made my work life as fun as possible (even when things got really stressful!!!)

Life in a fat suit...

It took a good few months, but I now official feel like I am trapped in a fat suit. Every little piece of me feels big and swollen…. my arms, my legs, my stomach, my face and my boobs (my boobs are the worst offenders)

After months of receiving compliments about the way I look… how nice and neat my bump is and how you wouldn't know I was pregnant unless you looked down, how I've never looked better… it's all changed and I am now officially a fat person.

For some time, I was eating whatever I wanted… indulging in a lot of naughty treats (cakes, crisps and carbs) and convincing myself that I wasn't gaining wait… "It's the baby, he needs the calories!"

This week, I feel rather disgusting.

Not only do I feel gross and full up all the time (as I can't stop myself from eating even though I know I am not hungry and am making myself feel terrible) but I don't particularly like looking at myself either (I know I am pregnant so was bound to put on weight but this is a little out of control…)

Suddenly I am very aware that as I walk through a restaurant my hips seem to knock things off other people's table, I have a new friend (the delightful double chin), I am more snuggly than usual and just feel very large.

Obviously as I finish work tomorrow, more meals have been eaten out than usual… take today for example… I met colleagues for breakfast, am being taken out for a leaving lunch and am meeting a friend for supper… not only is this having quite an impact on my wallet, but it's leaving me feeling rather awful.

At this time of year, I always overindulge. 

It's just strange that this year it's food rather than drink that I am over doing…  is there such a thing as a food-over? i.e. that awful feeling suffered after chowing down on far too much food, sweets and carbs in particular!

I am hoping that when I am home next week I will eat a lot less… although, it is likely that I'll be bored and when I'm bored… I tend to eat…. someone needs to help me!!! 

I am a little out of control….

Things probably wouldn't be so bad if I was doing ANY exercise… I am literally doing nothing at the moment… blaming it on being too busy - this means that next week I literally have no excuse… eeeeeeekkkkkk

I don't really care about how I look, as I say, I am a pregnant lady so people don't really judge… it's more about how I feel and I feel terrible… big and full….

I am lucky that, so far, the hubs hasn't really noticed (and if he has he's not said a word) but I am wary that the more I eat now and the bigger I get the harder it will be to lose.

I know a lot of you probably think I am being stupid and overindulgent but we can't help how we feel!! Surely I can't be the only one out there who feels this way?? 

Baby nightmares

This morning I woke up in a slight state of panic. I was heavily breathing and sporting a slight sweat.

It had happened again...

BABY NIGHTMARES

I've only experienced this once before during my pregnancy, the first

time a lot more vivid.

The first time it happened, I dreamt that it was summer time and my mum had come over to the house.

For some reason, she had decided to open the 'stable door' in the lounge (which we don't have).

Later that evening the hubs and I were tucked up in bed, when I opened my eyes to see the neighbours cat staring right at me by the bedroom door... (if you don't follow the blog, read the post entitled 'phobias' to see why this was such a huge problem for me)

Next thing I knew, the hubs was shaking me awake. Apparently (in my sleep) I'd gone a little nuts and was running around the room screaming in distress.

Not a baby or new mother related nightmare I know, but a nightmare nonetheless and nightmares are not something I had experienced so vividly before during my pregnancy.

Last night, the nightmare was baby related, however my memory of it is far less vivid. I know that the dream wasn't good leaving a very bad feeling and I know that it included blood... That's all I want to say (or think) about it, as it was so horrid.

It's funny how pregnancy effects every part of our beings, even our subconscious.

Over the past few weeks, friends have been sharing their own pregnancy nightmares with me, and they can really be pretty horrendous...

One friend woke up (in the dream) with a flat belly and burst into tears (she's 7 months pregnant), one friend couldn't find the baby in the dream only to discover it was under her bed!

I know this is part and parcel with pregnancy but that doesn't help at that moment when you wake in an utter state of panic and shock!!

So, what's the reason for pregnancy nightmares? Common sense tells me it's our fears, worries and hormones all coming together in our subconscious and that whatever the dream may be is utter rubbish and means nothing.

I remember when I was getting married. I suffered about three nightmares including cheating, death and outrageous wedding disasters.

Obviously there was no meaning to any of this, as I believe there is no meaning to my recent bad dreams.

That doesn't mean that I'm left feeling at ease at all though, after dealing with one of these dreams I'm left feeling a bit flustered and out of sorts for the day...

After the cat nightmare I kept seeing flashes of that cats face whilst standing at my bedroom door (in my mind, ready to attack!) 

HORRENDOUS!!

I don't think there is any point trying to rationalise these dreams, but I do think talking them out with others helps ease the memory and stress related to them.

The irony for me? I've been having such trouble sleeping recently and the first time I actually have a good nights sleep on ages, I'm woken first thing in the morning by a horrid nightmare!!!

Not looking forward to crawling under the covers tonight…

From one world to the next...

If you'd have asked me a few months ago how a pregnant woman should sleep, what she should eat, or what vitamins she should take I wouldn't have had a clue.

Equally, I'd have been stumped if you'd have questioned how developed a baby (in the womb) is at 22 weeks? Or why a pregnant lady suffers rib pains, or acne?

The fact of the matter is that I didn't have a clue.

Now, after reading around the topic, speaking to lots of other mothers and mothers to be, and most importantly since experiencing these things myself, I'd say I was some sort of expert (as are most women out there) I feel that now I'm someone that people feel comfortable asking questions to.

As I am now in my third and final trimester I'm starting to think about the next chapter, which of course involves Baby J entering the world.

In all honestly... I'm a little petrified.

Not only is this my first baby, but I've had very little exposure to babies in the past.

Yes I've cuddled a few new borns and chased a few toddlers around the living room pretending to be farmyard animals, but I've never been responsible for a baby for longer than about five minutes.

The hubs grew up with a baby bro so remembers the whole experience vividly, whereas I'm totally new to it all.

Friends of mine have invited me to private Facebook groups where mums are free to ask other mums questions about all manner of things.

The more posts I read from worried, questioning and anxious women, the more I panic... Largely because I haven't a clue what they're talking about!!

I don't know be rules of potty training or weaning... I can't answer questions about flu jabs and I've never even heard of a water wipe!!!

Don't get me wrong... I know this will all come in time. In a way I think learning all I have about pregnancy is some sort of brain training for the next big test... as there is so much more to take in.

I am excited about this... Albeit a tad daunted but I'm ready (well nearly ready!!!)

Whilst I will do as much prep as possible, I'm quite excited about learning on the job and making the odd mistake as I go (it's the best way to learn after all!!!)

At the moment it does feel a little like I'm heading into the unknown but in a way I am, I've just got to let allow myself to panic, (easy when I'm dealing with someone who likes to be well prepared for everything!!)

I suppose you can only prep so much anyway as a lot of the issues/questions will arise when he's here and will depend on him...

Eeeek all getting very real now!